Yesterday my daughter asked me for an expansion pack in her sims game. I immediately felt excited about it. This is something I would love to buy for her. But then all the thoughts:
"It’s right after Christmas. Didn’t she already get enough?"
"I just spent all this money on gifts. Is it really in the budget to buy more?"
This was a perfect opportunity to let go of something I’ve been noticing this holiday season: The idea that I need the excuse of a holiday or reward to buy something instead of just listening for when giving speaks to my heart.
A funny effect happens when I don’t listen. I feel this subtle restriction of flow which will nag at me later. It’s like the beliefs want to be processed and will pester me through the catalyst of an unmet desire until I am willing to look at them. It’s not really about getting the expansion pack or the amount in my bank account. It’s all being brought up as an opportunity to clear my negative beliefs.
So this time I chose to listen and buy the expansion pack (what a perfectly symbolic name)
Then yet another opportunity arose from the same catalyst:
About an hour later I had the inclination to ask for my daughters help with something.
Automatically my mind brought up the gift I had just bought her and I began to sputter something like: “Remember I just bought you that? Maybe in return you could help me with…” But I stopped there. Again, a subtle negative belief: That the reason we give is to get something physical in return.
This our conditioned mind believing it has to be the one to take care of abundance because it overlooks the natural abundance of every moment: that everything that arises offers us juicy opportunities for awakening. And this is the real abundance we crave.
So I rephrased: “you know what, never mind. It’s not because of anything. Just wondering if you feel like helping me with the baby right now.”
She didn’t. And there was that familiar feeling like something was wrong.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve overlooked this feeling and projected it outwards, but this time I had the clarity to see that it was not caused from anything my daughter had done wrong. I felt bad because I was attempting to use my daughter to relieve myself from a sense of pain that was never justified to begin with (and certainly not her responsibility.) My pain came from believing a string of negative thoughts that convinced me something wasn’t right about this moment, and that if only I could get this one thing done I could feel better. (Oh! And then that other thing over there, and so on.)
It turns out my release is not found in getting anything done. My feeling better is available right here by realizing that I'm whole now. It’s actually the belief that we’re dependent on something external that creates the illusion of separation from source that in turn feels negative, not the thing we think we need and don’t have.
When I fall back into trusting the unfolding of this moment I see a bit closer to how the higher mind sees, and I am welcomed back into our natural state of grace. I'm also instantly grateful for my daughter’s “no, I can’t help you right now.”
There’s magic in these alchemical perspective shifts. When we do the inner work, life doesn’t need to reflect our limiting thinking anymore. Its like we’ve hopped on a new timeline with new cycles and new themes, so life seems to lighten up.
That’s how I interpreted it when naturally just minutes later my daughter joined me upstairs wanting to play with me and the baby. In joy, she gave me the minute or so I thought I needed so I could do whatever it was I thought I wanted to do. But this time, I wasn’t seeking my release in it. I already unlayered it myself. With laughter, all I could think was: Thank you Christmas for all your gifts I am still unwrapping.
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